Selfish Like That
by a thousand winds
Summary: [IshDar] She's a selfish girl in a selfish world.


**Title: **Selfish Like That  
**Author:** Anchansan  
**Pairing: **Ishtar/Darres  
**Fandom: **Vampire Game  
**Theme:** #16: invincible; unrivalled  
**Disclaimer:** All characters and situations property of Judal.

When you're five years old and looking up at a grown-up, he looks very tall. When he's standing over you, sword raised and destroying every creature that leaps at you, you know he'll always be that tall, that strong, that heroic.

But then, you _are_ five years old.

-

You're six now. The man is stepping over your maid's body and smiling at you. It's a nice smile, but it scares you because he smiled like that at Elena, too. You're screaming but your voice sounds tiny, pathetic when compared with the thumping of your heart.

Amazingly, someone hears you, and every time it's the same someone. You squeeze your eyes tight shut and listen to the wet thud of sword hilt on skull. Darres has won. Darres always wins. You believe that from the bottom of your heart.

You _are_ only six, after all.

-

You're seven and waiting in the hall for Sir Keld. You're very impatient, hopping from foot to foot and looking around for him every five seconds. Noises from further down attract your attention, you hear angry shouts and the sounds of a fight and you follow the commotion to its source. Two of the Guard are hitting each other and yelling abuse. You draw back at first, intimidated, but then one of them says a word that your maid spanked you for saying and suddenly you're interested. They're mostly angry about someone named Satoa, you discover, and before you can learn any new words, Darres is there and dragging them apart. They shut up almost immediately when they see him and you run back up to where Sir Keld is calling you.

You're not sure whether to be jealous or delighted that other people know as well as you do that Darres is the best fighter in the palace.

-

You're eight when you're taken ill, sicker than you've ever been in your life. The doctor says it isn't poison but Sir Keld frets about it anyway, directing every food-taster in the palace to your dishes and almost cries in frustration when they're licked clean with no ill-effects. He stations guards outside your door and your window. Darres sleeps by your bed.

You know Sir Keld is worried about you, but Darres is the one who hugs you and tells you it's going to be all right. He's the only one.

-

You're nine when you first see Darres get hurt. He's between you and another assassin and you're hiding behind a big rock, ready to run away when Darres tells you to, and then there's a horrible cracking sound. You peek over the edge, about to jump up and celebrate the enemy's defeat, but Darres stumbles back, almost falling on top of you. He's clutching his arm, his face ashen-white with pain. You open your mouth to scream, but reinforcements arrive before you even take the first breath.

You're all right and Darres is all right, but you never forget it.

-

You're ten and by now you're smart enough to know that Darres isn't invincible. But hearing him tell Sir Keld that your uncle will only ever hurt you over his dead body makes you feel warm and safe – and unhappy when Sir Keld says nothing to indicate that the feeling is mutual.

-

You're eleven when Darres gets speared through the shoulder (bandit attack, your fault, always your fault) and you sit in the corner of his room all night while the doctor works to get it out. After he's gone, you creep to the side of his bed and fall asleep there. When you open your eyes, Darres is awake and watching you. You fling yourself on top of him and he lets you clamber into his lap even though you're really too big for it. He looks at you awkwardly and you realise he's not sure what to do with you when you're crying without having a tantrum first, so you curl into his side and complain about the bed's lumpiness.

You both drift back into sleep in that position.

-

You're twelve and thirteen and fourteen and people keep dying away from you, in front of you, but always, always for you. You wonder if it'll be any better when you're queen, but you don't really think it will be. You hang on to Darres as tight as you can, anyway.

You're selfish like that.


End file.
